Jack, Rum, And Some other Ridiculous Stuff
by xXChocaholicXx
Summary: Ok, what happens when three teenage girls find themselves in the same area with Jack Sparrow, Legolas, and a bunch of other random characters? Read to find out! Funnier than the summary makes it sound!And there is Emma Bashing Mwahaha! R&R!


**This is a totally random story we made up while having fun at a friends house. It's a weird and random crossover from Phantom of the Opera, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Lord of the Rings. You may find it lame, you may find it funny, but what the heck, we're gonna write it!**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Phantom of the Opera, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, or nay other movies or themes we may make reference to in our story, So please don't sue us! We only own Ashley, Jay, and Karlee, and Alia and Emma, the policewomen.**

Once three girls went in to a sewer. We don't know why they were in a sewer, they just were. While in the sewer, they met a shadowy figure. He was old, and wore a mask.

"Ooh, he is sexy!" the girl with the black hair, Ashley, said, "He looks like he's twenty two years old!"

"Yeah, twenty two million!" Jay joked (yes, this is a girl).

"Woo-Hoo!" Karlee hooted, giving Jay a high five.

"Hey!" they heard a voice yell, "I can hear you!" Ashley was the first to realize that it was the man speaking. The man she thought was sexy.

"Hey, I said you looked like you were twenty two!" Ashley called back.

"Oh yeah, do you really think I'm sexy?" the man asked, "because you can't even see me…"

"But I saw what you look like in a movie based on a musical, and even though you're deformed and all that junk, you're still sexy!" Ashley answered with a low voice and a grin.

"Riiiiiiiight…" Jay and Karlee rolled their eyes and sighed, "Here we go again…"

"What do you mean, again?" Ashley asked innocently, giving them evil eyes.

"Ok, let's name all of the old people you've fallen in love with… First, there was Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean, and then there was Aragorn, from Lord of the Rings, then there was Dorian Gray, from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and… _five minutes later, in which Jay and Karlee have named over fifty old men_ Ooh, and let's not forget Mr. D., our SCIENCE TEACHER!" they yelled at her, as she cowered in a corner.

"But I'm really in love with this one!" Ashley wailed, indicating the man sitting feet away from them, "he can sing really well! Even his voice is sexy!"

"I'm going to need some rum…" Jay murmured, then she randomly called out "JACK! I need rum!" Then Captain Jack Sparrow randomly appeared through a portal. He was very drunk, and had six bottles of rum in his arms.

"No! This is MY rum!" Jack screamed, clutching the bottles desperately, "Mine! Mine! MINE!" Jay jumped on Jack's back and began to beat him over the head with her palm until he gave her rum. She was very fond of rum. She was almost fonder of it than Jack was (if you can believe it…).

Pretty soon, everyone had beaten a bottle of rum out of Jack, and they were all sitting and contentedly sipping their rum. Jay sat next to Jack, and Ashley sat next to the Phantom (who was the man who had been in the sewer) and kept giving him googly-eyes. Karlee was sitting all by herself, and got lonely. She sniffled by herself for a little while, and then got an idea. "Legolas! I need you, darling!" she called out (randomly), and Legolas appeared (randomly) out of the same portal that Jack had come through (randomly). He sat by her, cross-legged, and snatched the last bottle of rum before Jack could.

"Uhh, why are his ears…?" the Phantom asked Ashley, eyeing Legolas' pointy ears with nervous eyes.

"Don't ask," she said quickly before anyone could answer.

_Half and hour later, everyone is all drunk and stuff, so yeah…_

"Take THAT!" Karlee shouted, swinging her empty rum bottle at Jack's head and cracking it efficiently. He blinked for a second, but shook his head and laughed. The Phantom looked on in amazement as Jay did the same thing. He gave Ashley a quizzical look.

"It's a ritual," she explained as she approached Jack with her bottle in hand, "We try to crack our bottles over his head so that he can feel it, but he always gets too drunk."

"Oh, Oook…" the Phantom muttered as Ashley gestured for him to hit Jack as well. He took the handle of his bottle firmly in hand, and approached Jack, who had his back to the Phantom. Jack turned just in time to see the bottle coming his way.

"Oh, crap," he squeaked before he was knocked out cold.

"Wow. That was… fun…" the Phantom murmured softly. Everyone was laughing hard, clutching their stomachs.

"He was just like my father!" Jay cried as she sobbed over the unconscious Jack.

"So your father knew not the meaning of soap and liked rum?" Legolas teased.

"Yes!" Jay wailed. Everyone stopped laughing abruptly and stared at her silently.

_So that's where she got it from…_ they all thought. Before they all knew it, it was nighttime. They were all very sleepy. They all went to bed (separately!) in the sewer.

Jay, Karlee, and Ashley wondered why they were in the sewer. They all had homes. And lives. But they slept in the sewer anyway.

The next day, they all woke up at the same time. They were all hung over. Except Legolas. Everyone else got very mad at him, so Jack and the Phantom held him down while the girls pulled on his ears. Once he was in pain, they all sat down and let him go.

"So, what do you want to do now?" the Phantom asked Ashley and the rest of the gang.

"Uh, I am in pain from my hangover, so let's get rum!" Jay announced triumphantly. Everyone thought that this was a good idea, but no one knew where to get rum.

"Oh! I know! There is a bar down the street outside!" the Phantom declared.

"How do you know that, since you never leave the sewers?" Ashley asked him, admiring his knowledge (and sexy body!).

"The short hairy guy told me."

"And how did you meet this short, hairy guy?" Karlee asked, interested.

"He came through a portal in the middle of the night (randomly), when you were all asleep. He had a big, hairy red beard, and he was very short," the Phantom answered.

"Oh my god, Gimli!" Legolas cried.

"Oh well, let's go and get the rum already!" Jay and Jack shouted in unison. Everyone agreed to this as well, and they all went to the bar right down the street.

"Oh my god!" the Phantom clapped a hand to his forehead, "I can't go in there!"

"Why?"

"Because, there are two people in there that I hate. Well, one I dislike, but the other I hate!" the Phantom claimed. Everyone peeked through the front doors, and saw a couple sitting side by side at the bar. They were very drunk.

"Oh, I know what you mean!" Ashley said, "I hate Christine and that stupid fop, too!" The couple was Christine and Raoul, who was the fop. Ashley wouldn't let the Phantom get out of going into the bar, though, and dragged him in. It was a very modern bar, with the Boulevard of Broken Dreams blasting from at least twenty speakers around the room.

"Fifty bottles of rum!" Jack yelled at the barman, slapping a handful of coins on the table.

"Oh, how nice of you to pay for us, Jack!" Jay squealed, hugging him lovingly (for she now saw him as her long-lost father).

"Dream on, girlie!" he mumbled, "These are for me!"

"Oh, Phantom!" Karlee called, "Do you have an empty bottle about you?"

"Ok, I'll share, I'll share…" _Twenty minutes later, everyone was all drunk again and stuff, including Christine and the fop, err… Raoul…_

"Aye, avast, ye pirate scum!" Jay cried as she hopped on Raoul's back. She was pathetically re-enacting The Pirates of the Caribbean, "Don't think you would stand a chance if you were to cross blades with me, you scurvy dog!"

"Get away from me, you madwoman!" Raoul shouted at her.

"I'm not mad, you PANSY!" Jay screamed back.

"I'm no pansy!"

"Yes you are!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Pansy, pansy, pansy! Pansy, pansy, pansy!" Everyone joined in as Jay chanted. Finally the fop (err, Raoul) got really mad and told Jay to go and ride the mechanical bull. We don't know why there was a mechanical bull in a bar down the street from an opera house in the year 1862, there just was.

As Emma the cop walked in to arrest the three girls for underage drinking, Jay landed on her and killed her fake sob, trying to sound sincere. Just then the Phantom grabbed Christine and started to dance with her. Ashley and Raoul got jealous. Raoul walked over to them.

"Uh, do you mind if I cut in?" he asked politely.

"Not at all!" the Phantom said, and he extended his hand. He was very drunk.

"Would you like to dance?" the Phantom asked Raoul. He was very, very drunk.

"Tally ho, gov'nor!" Raoul cried in a cheap English accent as he grabbed the Phantom's hand and they twirled around the room.

Ashley was now very jealous. She decided to take her anger out on Christine. Ashley walked over to Christine and slapped her, "He is MY sexy Phantom!" she claimed, "You had your chance, and you chose the fop!"

"Well, Raoul was rich! All the Phantom had was a boat, and Raoul and I even took that! It was a funny boat, and I couldn't seem to keep my dress over my legs when I rode in it!" Christine laughed evilly.

"YOU MOOCHER!" everyone shouted, throwing bottles at her. She ducked and avoided them all, save one. Thrown by Raoul.

"God, she was a ditzy, singer byotch!" Ashley shook her head, "I always thought that she was nice…"

"I did, too," the Phantom said, now that he had stopped dancing with the pansy-fop (Err, Raoul), "She is a ditzy, singer byotch!" he stepped back, "Glad she's at least out of my life now…" he turned to Raoul," Sucks for you, pansy-fop!" _He then had to duck as a bottle whizzed by his head_

Then the Phantom picked Ashley up bridal style.

"Where are we going, Phantom?" she asked sleepily.

"Like you don't know…" the Phantom grinned, carrying her out of the bar. Everyone stared after them silently.

"Oooo k, I think I need more rum…" Jack whispered, grabbing two bottles and beginning to chug them both at once. "_Oh, you can search far and wide, _

_You can drink the whole town dry. _

_But you'll never find a beer so brown _

_As the one we drink in our hometown _

_You can keep your fancy ales _

_You can drink'em by the flagon _

_But the only beer for the brave and true... _

_Comes from the Green Dragon!" _Jay now sang crazily. She was done re-enacting the Pirates of the Caribbean, and now she was re-enacting the Lord of the Rings.

"_Ok, everybody now!" Karlee shouted drunkenly. _

_"Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me! _

_De-Duh De De Duh, and really bad eggs _

_Drink up me hearties, yo ho! _

_Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirates life for me!" _Everybody joined in and sang for a few minutes. They were all very very, very, very, very drunk. A sudden sound from behind made them turn around. Jay was on the mechanical bull again, and Alia the policecop came into the bar.

"Ok, I got a child molestation call from here. Who called in?" She turned and everyone saw Raoul with a cell phone in his hand (why he had a cell phone in a bar down the street from an opera house in the year 1862, we don't know. He just did).

"STUPID FOP!" everyone shouted at him, throwing bottles of rum.

"Hey, and how are old are you two girls?" Alia asked Jay and Karlee, "You aren't old enough to drink! I'm going to have to take you-" It was at this moment that the Phantom and Ashley returned and the Phantom (randomly) hit Alia over the head with a bottle. She was out cold before she hit the ground.

"So, the child molester returns!" Raoul yelled.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't give me that! With all that innuendo back there, you can't tell me you didn't… well, you know…"

"Stupid fop!" Ashley laughed, "He taught me how to sing! Wanna hear?" She started before anyone could object. "He's there, the Phantom of the Opera… _She starts to vocalize all pretty and stuff, getting really really high eventually. Glass starts to shatter in the windows and glasses, and all of the sudden, the mechanical bull comes to life (randomly) _Everyone screamed and ran for their lives out of the bar as the bull charged. Jay, Jack, Legolas, and Karlee ran with bottles of rum into the sunset and drank rum for the rest of their days (and for Legolas, that was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very long time.

Well, he's immortal, isn't he? As for Ashley, she was pulled into the sewers by the Phantom and they lived there together for the rest of their days.

"And the Phantom is sexy!"  
**  
Review and tell us what you think!**


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